Bus Stop Wisdom

Zachary and I stood waiting for the bus today.

Our next door neighbor was outside. He told us that he was replacing carpet in his house. They had built this house and lived there 15 years. He said if he replaced this carpet now and lasted another 15 years, he would be 80 years old.

We talked about where we would be 15 years from now. I looked down at Zachary and told him that he would be in college by then. "Or married!" our neighbor piped in.

"Can I still live with you when I go to college?" Zachary asked.

"You'd probably be living on your own and visiting on the weekends," I said.

Immediately, that made Zachary anxious. "But I want to live here in this house," he protested.

"If you go to college here, you can live with us," I explained.

"Then, I'll go to college here," he said as he hugged my legs and looked up at me.

"You can, but you might change your mind," I said.

"Why?" he asked. I realized that our conversation was getting deeper and deeper and I wasn't ready to explain how he might want to be independent etc.

As the bus pulled up, Zachary turned around and said, "I want to go to college HERE!"

I thought to myself, how much Zachary doesn't realize how much things will change. And when he gets there 15 years from now, he's not going to be thinking like a five year old.

It's fascinating how much I'm like Zachary. I think about my life and the future in my limited wisdom and determine what would be good for me. I plan out and hope for things to be a certain way. I know right now what would make me feel comfortable. And then as we "grow up" and it all changes.

What we can count on is, is that things will change. We will change. How we see things will change. As a five year old, the most secure thing would be to never have to leave home and live on our own. We decide what we want by what we need at that moment.

As I navigate my own life changes and see that the course is now different than what I imagined only a year ago...I wonder, have I changed or only how I see things? What have I discovered about life and about myself this past year that has led me to see things differently? It's hard changing my mind about things. It's such a big deal to me.

Even though it's totally unreasonable, I somehow expect the things I know and the things I find security in, to never change. Even God, One Who never changes, is changed before me. Why? God hasn't changed at all. But my perception of Him has.

I can't seem to stop this process of learning and discovering. Thus making me vulnerable to rethinking my life all over again. I'm growing up. No longer five, no longer 15 and no longer 25. I have to trust this unchanging God during my changes and trust He knows what I need right now, casting aside my perceptions along the way, giving way to His true wisdom.