Missing Home

People often say that "home is where the heart is." And up until recently, I've always only had one home.

After my visit to Korea, I experienced a new dynamic. I was "home" but I was missing family. I had become connected to a whole new set of people and they were now my family too.

Before I went to Korea, I had so many questions. And it's fair to say that I was anxious. I didn't know what to expect. There were so many questions. But it ended up being a time of truly great and abundant blessings. I told people that it felt as if God had taken a big bucket of blessings and dumped it all over me. Each day there was like living a dream. It exceeded my expectations in every way. I was loved, accepted and embraced in a rich, wonderful way. I felt so blessed. I couldn't have asked for a better reunion with my family.

I was also struck with how very glad my family was to see me alive. And more astounding was that my aunts and uncles really could not believe their eyes. I was before their eyes. I was privileged to be able to hear and experience all of their feelings and thoughts in person. I had many, many memorable experiences there. It was truly a gift to be there. What was more, my family felt that way too. Being in each other's presence felt like such a gift.

It was so hard to leave and we tried our best to make sure that we reminded each other that we would see each other again. We were grateful for the time that we had, but we also looked forward to seeing each other. Jason and the boys will be traveling with me this summer to Korea so that I can introduce them in person. Although, everyone there has heard lots about my family here.

So, how does such a positive experience end? What kind of impact does it have on me? I came home very much at peace. I didn't even know that this was something I would feel after visiting there. I am extremely grateful to know that I am a part of a loving family. Now, the hard part was that I didn't prepare myself for how much I would miss them. I have been really homesick and missing my mom and all of my family that I became reacquainted with.

There are times when I will tear up thinking of how much I miss seeing my mom's face and eating her delicious cooking. I will sometimes wake up disoriented trying to figure out where I am. The first few nights back home, I felt bad for Jason as I would feel his face trying to figure out who he was.

I didn't account for that. I'm missing my family members who are living in another country. So, we try to talk in the few words that we both know. My mom and dad's vocabulary consists of "I love you" and "OK." I have been learning some Korean phrases. "I miss you." "I'm thinking of you." But it still doesn't seem like enough. We're waiting for them to get a computer and webcam so we can at least see each other and wave!

I guess it really is true. "Home is where the heart is." My heart now has two homes. How does a heart handle wanting to be in two places at one time?