The Ticket

Whenever Karsten watched "The Polar Express", the most anxiety provoking moment for him was when the boy lost the ticket. As it went flying around, Karsten would yell, "The ticket! The ticket!" And lately, I've been thinking that myself.

On Thanksgiving evening...I sat on my chair and I pondered buying a ticket to Korea. I told everyone that I was probably going to Korea on Christmas break. It felt fine saying that. Probably. But then, as I looked at ticket prices, I had to commit. I asked friends what good prices were. I was perusing the ticket places online quite frequently. But something was holding me back.

Maybe I didn't feel quite ready. Maybe I wasn't ready to tell people that I am going to Korea. It was too certain. Most of the time I like certainty, this time I wasn't certain. Why?

During this whole journey, I realized that I had many moments of uncertainty and that was becoming more the norm for me. So when I sat there staring at my computer, contemplating whether or not I should book the ticket, it was more than the price of the ticket.

It was whether or not I could really do this. After some thinking and rethinking, I booked the ticket. That simple act brought feelings of both anxiety and relief. Relief that I had finally booked it. Anxiety, now that I had to face all that went with it.

I found myself more teary lately. I think because the reality of seeing my mom is that much closer. There is now a time limit. Now I know whether or not I think I am ready, I will be there in Korea, seeing my mom and her new family face to face.

So, just like Karsten, my thoughts have revolved around "the ticket, the ticket!" It's booked. Which means that I am committed to heading to Korea.