Growing Up Too Fast

I was baking away in the kitchen and Zachary's question caught me off guard.

"Is Santa real mom?" he asked innocently.

"Do you think he's real?" I asked in return.

"I think he might not be real," he replied. He ran over to me, cupped his hands over my ears and whispered, "Please tell me! If you tell me the truth, I won't tell Karsten so he won't be sad."

I looked up at him and realized that he's closer to knowing the real truth. I felt torn. I have always wanted the kids to be able to know whenever they were ready. But I was sad that today might be the day.

"One of my friends saw his parents put a present under the tree," he went on.

I debated for a second which direction I should head. I had always believed that when they started questioning, I wouldn't try to convince them that Santa was real. I knew that I would want to take their lead. But now that the moment was here, it wasn't as simple as I had imagined.

"Oh Zachary," I said sadly. "You're right, Santa isn't real."

"What? It's you and dad?" he asked with disbelief.

"Yeah, it's been dad and me," I answer quietly.

I watched Zachary blink real hard and I saw that he was really disappointed and was fighting back tears.

"Are you ok Zachary?" I asked, concerned that this has blown his childhood beliefs out of the water.

"Yeah," he answered slowly. "Does that mean there's no elves either?"

"No, elves aren't real either," I said. "You have to remember now to not spoil it for your friends who still believe," I reminded him.

"Well," he continued, "Some of us believe and some of us don't."

"Can you help us make sure that it's not spoiled for Karsten"?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's too little. But when he's seven, he'll realize there's no Santa," he answered very grown-up sounding.

"People play songs about Santa so little kids will believe," he seemed to be trying to figure out how much so many things in life seemed to support the belief in Santa.

When Karsten got home, Zachary asked eagerly if he could ask Karsten if he believed in Santa. "Remember what we said," I told him.

"Karsten! Do you believe in Santa?" Zachary asked.

"Yup!" answered Karsten. And that was that. Karsten is still a believer. Zachary lost his belief in Santa. I didn't think it would be so soon. We talked about the meaning of Christmas and Jesus, the idea of giving etc. We talked about St. Nick and how he really embodied the spirit of Christmas through giving. But I wasn't ready to have my little boy grow up so fast. I think that's what makes me more sad than anything. It just seemed like yesterday that he was a tiny infant. He's growing up too fast. :-(