Who My Mom Is

"It will be like finding a needle in a hay stack", the agency said when we began the search process. The possibility of finding my birth mom would be remote. Her name may have been changed. We didn't have our hopes up and we didn't expect too much. So, I didn't think too much about it. I was excited to get a letter from my birth father's family. It was more than I had expected or imagined.

I didn't know what I was in for, getting my birth mother's letter. I had a lot of mixed feelings that I hadn't too deeply considered before. I accepted as a kid that it was the best thing for us. But I really began to wonder what she was feeling and what was going through her mind.

Then the translated letter came to me via e-mail late one night. I read the pages, weeping and understanding the emotions that my mother was experiencing. And the questions that I had didn't matter as much.

Her honest, heart-felt letter let me know that she was human. She experienced much pain all of those years. I had only begun to experience some of that anguish in the last week. She had lived with it for years. Not finding peace and contentment...just yet.

Twenty-five years ago she brought me, my sister and brother to an agency. We never saw her again. And now we have seen glimpses of each other's lives through letters and photos. I can't look enough at her pictures. She is my mother but we don't resemble each other. She thinks we do.

I discovered through her letter that we do have a person in common. We both know Him and love Him. He has been loving her and caring for her, as He has been loving and caring for me. He has given her hope and joy in the midst of her painful years, as He has given me hope and joy. I was once her daughter. She was once my mother. But now we are both the children of the same Father.

I don't know where this journey will lead. But I'm taking it, one letter at a time, rediscovering who my mom is.