I began a journey to find my birth mom over a year ago. And surprisingly, the first to respond was someone from my dad's side. My birth mother, the agency said, was nowhere to be found. I wasn't restless to find her but found connecting with my father's side really rewarding. It was eye-opening for me to hear their story and how much anguish they felt because of our adoption.
Now, my mother has been found. And I thought I'd be more excited. The truth is, I feel more connected to my father's side of the family. Perhaps because they were more easily found and more willing to share their story with me. I feel committed to them.
So a multiple page letter awaits translation. I am curious to know what those pages hold. I want to give my mom a chance to tell her side of the story too. I never really held any strong feelings toward my birth mother either way. But now, after hearing my father's side of the story, I am a little hesitant.
I don't know that this new information will birth a significant connection. Ironically, as we approach Mother's Day, I've never really had a mother to send a card to. I've never picked up the phone when I needed advice or called to see if we could meet up for coffee. I've had friends, but not a mother to call on. Yet, I've never felt that void. However, this year, I've been more contemplative. I wonder what it might have been like if I did have a mother whom I was close to. I wonder if having someone to call "mom" is really that important.
I do know that I have called upon my heavenly Father. I know that He has cared for me beyond what I could have asked or imagined. I am however, pondering the absence of parents in my life. I am pondering what it means to reconnect with someone who I have not seen since I was eight years old.
5 comments:
I love the picture. I never had any inclining about meeting my birthmother either until going to Korea in 2007. One of my host moms I cnnected while I was in Korea. It also exlpained my moments of waking up crying even into adulthood and not knowing why. I am glad that you found yours. It also gives me hope that I can find my birthmother. I remember when I was with my host mom I felt like I was with my mother. It felt so good to be treated as child even as an adulthood. Im not sure how to explain that one.
Maybe you'll find your birth mom too. I think even if we don't admit it (I don't always admit it) we want to have a mom who loves us and treats us like we're the apple of their eye. God knows all about that...and He understands the things that we can't explain.
Be careful not to assume on motherhood. I have a mom that I will visit for Mother's Day but she is not usually the one I call for advice or support. We have never had that kind of relationship. I've seldom felt there was something lacking there. I guess I just accepted things as they were and didn't compare with what others might have or what she could be. Looking forward to hear what she has to say though. I'm sure it stirred many things up in her to find that you were looking for her.
I think you stated better than I could. I thought of my "birthmother" everyday since coming back from Korea. I dont even know how to describe. May be there is no describing it just is. May be it was God speaking to me. Some of us have bad parents or no parents for whatever reason. I think the most challenging part of this is knowing that your parents love and believe in you. Other people can do their best but only parents have a unique role to play for whatever reason. The most important thing is that God is ALWAYS with us. He always has our best interest and is always waiting to come into our lives. I believe God is all spirit because in that state He has the ability to be wherever he needs to be. He is not limited by anything.
Way to preach it AJT!
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