I'm So Sad

I am having such a sad day. I was cleaning my office today. And there's so much paperwork that represents just about everything.

Sermon notes, conferences notes, meeting notes, donation invoices, letters, applications and just a ton of stuff that made it nearly impossible not to think about the past eight years. A stack of empty folders now sits at my desk.

It's not just that I will miss our church people, which I will. But I've made friends in this neighborhood too. And it didn't dawn on me how much God allowed us to really embed ourselves here.

I sit at my desk (looking out my office window with two bullet holes) and ponder the reality of this time in our life. I can't believe it. We're really going. It's really time.

We didn't have any idea when the time would be. It's probably good that we didn't. I think the anxiety of knowing would have done me in. But I wonder how long it will be before my mind and heart and make the connection.

I'm teary eyed and reminiscing. I feel a little lost. It's a little like losing a part of your life. There aren't words for what I am feeling.

I have no idea how long "this" will last and when I will stop feeling sadness. But this is where I'm at right now.

One day, I will read this and remember how painful it felt but I will be feeling something new. I know that even sad feelings don't last forever.