What Do You Call This?

We're going through a unique situation at our church. We were the "founders" which sounds more pompous than anything. It should be described more as the "digger outers" or something like that. We did a lot of digging, sweating, giving up and signing back up and hanging on tenaciously. But when we describe it as "founding" a church it feels like we should be donning long beards and black suits. Much like the word "reverend" often makes my list of things not to address me by. Today, we call it "planting" and that doesn't cut it for me either. I've planted flowers and that's not how planting goes.

All this to say, we are now leaving. It's not to something "bigger and better". We're going to something unknown. We now know the city, but we do not know the new assignment.

What's been the most difficult is the people's reactions. They have ranged from one extreme to the other. But just when I think I've adapted to their varied reactions, they reveal a whole new set of reactions. It's a circular process. We're right in the middle of it. The grief process going around and around, with different sets of people.

At times, I am overcome by my emotions. I haven't found an adequate analogy. It feels a little like I'm dead and people are grieving my passing, while I witness it. Not cool.

On the other hand, the church people are seeing it as a break up and are looking for the reason we have found them "unattractive" to us. That's not a good analogy either.

The best I can say is that some days, I am just a wreck. I tear up at sad songs, happy songs, people sharing anything remotely touching, thoughts of church or just anything. No matter how we try to analyze it, the truth is: it really hurts.

We're all grappling with what it means to allow God to have absolute authority over our lives and what it means to really live it out. We're learning what it means to allow people into our lives and then letting them go. I can't assure our people enough how much we love them.

I am hanging on to that grand, fantastic, divine reunion with all of our loved ones. I'm not talking about our earthly family. I am looking forward to that reunion of our spiritual brothers and sisters. That day will come friends. Don't look at today and despair. All that we're experiencing is merely a shadow of the real thing to come.